remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize