Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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