Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
