I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
