At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
