you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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