turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
