How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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