I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
