it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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