oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
