Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
