So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize