Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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