I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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