Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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