First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
