I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
