he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
