chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
