I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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