So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She bit a glass in half.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
