hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
