i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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