She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
