some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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