WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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