This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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