Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My cat gives me a boner
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
