whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
