The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
