We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
