First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
