Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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