swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
