why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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