Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
