If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
