There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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