Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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