Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
