My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
