I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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