Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
