eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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