so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
