DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize