you have to choose: penises or morals?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
