I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
