i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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