It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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