You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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