Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
