Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
