She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
