I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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