a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
