I just cut my nipple shaving
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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