Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
