Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
