i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
