Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
