He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We left the knife in your bed.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
