so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
