So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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