You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
