so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
