somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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