You really coming over, don't trick.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
