You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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